Author: cgul(weeeeeeee)
Release date: Jul 26th, 2002

This is the WEEKLY UPDATE vol. 17
(WUUT = Weekly Update for Unreal Tournament. A review of the top stories from the past week in the world of UT that really matter to you!)


* NEW SKIN has been released to the UT environment. Some sicko has developed the infamous 'nude' skin which is supposed to enhance skills as well as making rockets bigger and harder. One of our reporters tried out the new skin (on a private server!) and found that shortly after the high of battle, HE had a irresistable urge to roll over and sleep!

* Weeeeeeee has welcomed its newest member: Stoned!

* UT3 is still not out! We took it upon ourselves to head over to Digital Extremes, located in London, Ontario, Canada, to find out why the most highly anticipated game in the UT community has not come out yet. We knocked on the door. No Answer. So we walked inside and found Rockhard, Noobeater, and Dessloch there negotiating for special favours and concilliations. We caught these words on tape, "Puuuuhllllleeeeze!!!!! Pleeeze Pleeeze!!!..." Then we got kicked out of the offices.

* UT FASHION COMMUNITY has announced the first ever fashion contest for UT players. They have asked YOU the players to submit your best outfit (skin) pictures to our judging commitee and then we will pick a winner. To the winner will go a very valuable prize! Please submit your entries to the contest entry part of the REH periodical section of this message board. Remember that we will be looking for good poses, fun skins, and also best pixel manipulation.

* NEW MAP: One of our reporters got this picture of the newest level to be added to the upcoming UT3. This map is still unnamed but sources say that they might call it, slip 'n slide, king of the iceberg, or morpheus 2. http://homepage.mac.com/seigel/UTLevel_New.jpg


~Because life's to short to interview sheep~

The opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily the opinions
of wuut, or the message board that has brought wuut to you for your
enjoyment. Please send all love letters, hate mail and lawsuit subpoenas
to Keifer@sunflower.com

Interviewer : OK.. I'll just fire away then shall I?

Cgul : go nutz

Interviewer : What is it like being a seagull?

Cgul : Well it is tough. People think that pooping on peoples heads is
easy. You try and do that from a 1000 ft. up in the area and hit them
EVERY time. Plus the pay really sucks.

Interviewer : You get paid to be a seagull? I get zilch for being a

Cgul : Fish.

Interviewer : Better than nothing. OK, next up, how/why did you start
the weird, miss informative, wacky, and fun wuut?

Cgul : I didn't start it. You did. I work for you don't you remember?

Interviewer : oh, yeah. forgot. had a few too many carrot beers... make
you forget thing and make you very gullible... um, where were we? oh
yes... what can you tell us about wuuts competitor: ZUUT Alors

Cgul : (hahah you have been reading too many back issues) Ahhh yes Zuut
Alors, it is a good news source, if you are a messed up person. They
really don't know what they are doing over there. I have heard that
they sometimes just make stuff up if they can't find any good news to
print. I can't believe people would fall for that

Interviewer : I can't believe I used to work for them...

Cgul : I can't believe that either..it is a good thing you started the

Interviewer : yeah...right... do you have any favorite mutes, things
to try to hit with bird poop, or autoraces?

Cgul : Nope. Well maybe....ahh nope.

Interviewer : lol. What is your home planet?

Cgul : Well that is an excellent question Zappy. I originally come from
the planet Orange. I was born and raised there. It is a pleasant place
where people like me are normal.

Interviewer : how did you get there?

Cgul : I got there the normal way, my parental unit (which looks like
what earthers would call a tree) squeezed me out and I hatched 48
seconds later.

Interviewer : Why the futz are you on earth?

Cgul : Why am I on earth? Well, I am plotting an invasion of this
planet and I was doing research to determine if there would be any
resistance.So far....no resistance detected.

= If you want to be interview icq me at: 148919188=

*People who have been interview befor should sit on their hands and give
othere people a turn.*

* COMPUTERS THAT FLY? Well I have read everything now. Yes they can make a CPU out of feathers now! This could be a real advancement for those players who are still having problems playing the Morpheus map!

(back issues available for a small fee, very small, insignificantly small, so small you would barely even notice.)

Submissions for the WEEKLY UPDATE maybe sent somewhere@paddlethis.com.
*** Disclaimer, most, if not all of this is a complete fabrication of a very strange mind, and now, possibly even more.