Author: cgul(weeeeeeee)
Release date: Jul 19th, 2002

This is the WEEKLY UPDATE vol. 16
(WUUT = Weekly Update for Unreal Tournament. A review of the top stories from the past week in the world of UT that really matter to you!)

* THIS JUST IN! We have a blow by blow, post by post update of what is going on on the ReH forum these days. This interviewer is from an informant that we have deep inside "FORTRESS ROCK 'EM HARD"

Our informer, identifying himself as 'PTSD', gave us his point of view about the current situation: "oh, that LOL! yes, well... this is the current situation LOL!!! it has been calm for a couple of days LOL but puma is definitely chasing voltron again LOL!!! so far, voltron controls the situation very well LOL, keeping the difference around 50 posts. however he might let crusher surprise him LOL, who after a false start, has already been able to reduce the difference with voltron below 100 posts LOL. i have to go now, i need to do something else LOL... BLINK BLINK LOL!!! i LOL will tell you more later LOL. oh by the way, don't tell anyone about LOL crusher LOL LOL!" Before we had a chance to ask him why not, he jumped off the roof where he had said we could meet. To be continued, maybe.

Cartoon Corner

* Well in the ongoing saga between the two lovers on UT, it seems like the love diad, is now a triad. Yes Ares now has a crush on OneMeanGirl as well. [note: blurtec(tm) is out getting tuned up] It seems that ares is so impressed with the improved skills and abilities of OMG that he has fallen head over heels (literally) for OMG. You hear it here first.

MOVIE Reviews

Planet of the Apes :: Wel sure, this movie hasn't been out in a while but who is counting. It was like a late night and had nothing better to do but to stuff in a DVD that a friend of mine gave me. As it turns out, it was Planet of the Apes. So I started watching the movie, and like the introduction before any of the action even starts is like a day or two long!!! So there I am sticking toothpicks in my eyelids trying to keep them open so I can see the start of this epic movie. My girlfriend is there with her eyes rivetted to the screen like a cocaine addict waiting for her next fix, when my last toothpick breaks and I am left imagining myself as a germ fighting action hero. "Take that gingevitis!"

So the next morning when I woke up with my girlfriend punching me in the arm telling me how good the movie was and what I thought of it and how she thought that that woman ape main character reminded her of OneMeanGirl.....wow was I in trouble.



~Because life's to short to interview sheep~

The opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily the opinions
of wuut, or the message board that has brought wuut to you for your
enjoyment. Please send all love letters, hate mail and lawsuit subpoenas
to Keifer@sunflower.com

All questions have been painstakingly researched, but the answers have

Interviewer- how long have you played ut?

Chaos- I played as long as I have played. That's about 3 years in human

Interviewer- how did Magi get started?

Chaos- The War of the Magi? Oh, the CLAN! ok. It started when the
{SOLDIER} clan died. I went to FV to build levels and test out some cool
mods. Then I came back to start it.

Interviewer- where did you get the idea to merge SoD and Magi into mod?

Chaos- It wasn't really my idea. Jim thought it up, and told KnightDemon
(the co-leader). I never really knew about it until it was posted on
this forum. It seemed odd....

Interviewer- what is the best computer you have used?

Chaos- The best one I have used was at my friends house. I had brought
over UT FV for him to play, and I was up all night getting mods and
showing them to him. My video card SUCKS cause I don't know why. I use a
tweaked Software Rendering.

Interviewer- what is you favorite movie?

Chaos- My favorite movie has to be either Spaceballs, Dogma, or the
Matrix. Why? Cause I said so!

Interviewer- what is your home planet and how did you get there?

Chaos- My home planet is Planet Hasn Oname. I got there just like all
other people come into this world....

Interviewer- what species are you? bird? Shrimp? Bunny? Dog? Panther?

Chaos- I am a Lego Man. Check out my clan site to see me in action.

Interviewer- how did I do with these questions?

Chaos- You could've asked me what my favorite mod was. It would have to
be Bullet Time, or U4e. I just love those bullet effects! And that nukem
doll! Oh baby!

Chaos's last minute reminders-
*Wear sunscreen! and No sex in the Champaign room!
*Be sure to check out the Q3 Plugin on my clan page. Its very useful,
and you wont have to enter UT to see who is playing. Just get the plugin
and the web site does all the work.
*Mod clan site @ http://users.skynet.be/clanmod

--> [Editor Note: this is where we cut chaos off as he spewed some more nonesense about being good at UT etc.......]

* DAMMIT, just when you thought the world was a decent place they go and say that they are going to start charging for using the JPEG standard. Well if you are interested in the downturn in the world, read this summary. http://slashdot.org/article.pl?sid=02/07/18/157217

*** MAD MARTIAN is somewhere keeping an eye on us and sends us these words of wisdom from the past. Thank you for digging them up Semi.

You know when you have played too much UT when....
Posted by (tlgm) Mad Martian on 1/15/2002 at 14:57:37

1.You wake up in the morning and check for spawnkillers.

2.You say you can't get to school because the server's down.

3.You meet someone for the first time, and the first thing you ask is "What's your favourite weapon?".

4.You write your UT nick on the "Name" space on your test paper.

5.You try to look at someone else's exam paper, but then remember that you aren't in spectator mode.

6.You write down the name of your clan, in the "Religion" space, on an application form.

7.You shout "GODLIKE" in front of the whole class when you get 25 consecutive questions right on a Maths test.

8.You burn the UT music to a CD and take it on family holidays.

9.You acknowledge your teacher's instructions with "Roger that."

10.You call your dad a "camper" because he's been sitting in the same place watching TV for hours.

11.When some kids ask you if you can play football with them, then you ask them what game mode they're playing.

12.Someone asks for your phone number, and you tell them the IP of your favourite UT server.

13.You consider suicide, knowing that you will respawn afterwards.

14.You call people names because of their black skin.

15.You shout "MMM MMM MMMonsterkill kill kill" when you see a line of more then 5 people at the counter in a store.

TIFR TECH SECT :: Insert your own realism here
by Cgul for Puma

Well this is the second week for the This is For Real Tech Sect. And well due to a wonderful windows crash we don't have Puma's Submission this week. Apparently, some small scaled fuzzy creatures crawled into Puma's machine and ate his new Radeon card that he hasn't received yet. The creatures were interviewed and said that had absolutely no connection with Rockhard whatsoever!

(back issues available for a small fee, very small, insignificantly small, so small you would barely even notice.)

Submissions for the WEEKLY UPDATE maybe sent somewhere@paddlethis.com.
*** Disclaimer, most, if not all of this is a complete fabrication of a very strange mind, and now, possibly even more.