Author: cgul(weeeeeeee)
Release date: Jul 12th, 2002

This is the WEEKLY UPDATE vol. 15
(WUUT = Weekly Update for Unreal Tournament. A review of the top stories from the past week in the world of UT that really matter to you!)


* MISSY Missing? Well of course not. Her, Dessloch, and Hypersipher have been super busy at the Food, Ammo 'n Baby Supplies store! It is a HUGE success! It has been so successful that Dessloch has hired a Bot to replace him on the ReH MRA Server! People have been writing in to find out how Dessloch can be working in the store and meanwhile been working on all the servers that they visit as a resident bot. Well if you hadn't noticed, most of the bots on the servers around the world have the same names. That is because Dessloch's mother, rest her soul, and father, rot in hell, weren't that original in the naming of their children. Apparently they had 28 boys and they named them all Dessloch. Likewise the parents of the other bots, of the same generation, weren't that original either, and named their bounty of children with non-unique names. (** note the cobol programming in their parent's brains wasn't that good **) Please if you are visiting the Food, Ammo 'n Baby Supplies store make sure you have exact change, as Dessloch doesn't know how to make change.

* WOW what a response to the suplimental we published last week. We have had people sending us money and pizza and sometimes even, small children. We have sent out that same reporter again to try and divine some more information from that mysterious stranger that passed along that story. Please keep sending the money and pizza. However, if you are going to send us children, please make sure that they have clean underwear.


* V*ltr&n [encrypted with blurtec (tm)] wanted to remain anonymous with regards to the love blooming between him and On%M%anG%rl [encrypted with blurtec (tm)]. He doesn't want it to be publicized at all anymore.

* On%M%anG%rl [encrypted with blurtec (tm)] wanted to let people know that the WUUT is in trouble as she says that there is absolutely nothing going on between her and V*ltr&n [encrypted with blurtec (tm)]. In fact, if she finds the reporter that reported this story, or made it up, she was going to.....how did she put it....yes....."Going to rip out his spine through his nostril and shove it up his a$$." Luckily for the WUUT, that reporter has good health insurance.

MOVIE Reviews

MIB II :: There was a new movie out over the past while and here is what the WUUT staff thought of the movie. Don't worry there aren't too many spoilers in the article.

"Uh like, yeah dude, the preview contained like a trailer for MIB II and you are thinking ' what the heck are they previewing the movie that I am going to watch! ' So there I am getting really upset and just about ready to bust some heads and throw some popcorn and what do I see....IT IS A COMMERCIAL FOR Head and Shoulders!!!! Oh that was it. I lost it and started to toss popcorn and push people around!!! Well that is when the two very large and somewhat smelly theatre staff came and grabbed me and tossed me out. Like you know this wouldn't normally make me upset but my girlfriend stayed to watch the movie, like, without me. Like, I thought I could make it through a full one this time but oh well. Later my girlfriend told me that she enjoyed the movie but wondered why I left so early, like before the movie even started, I guess she didn't notice that I got hauled out!! So that wasn't any good. But she told me that the movie was good and that Wil Smith reminded her a bit of Space Shrimp and the dog, the wonderful dog who stold the show, reminded her a bit of Voltron with all the "What, What, What What" stuff. She also said that she wanted to get one of those neato deneurolizers so she can wipe my memory of her and start dating that cgul freak!...."

There you have it. An informative review of the latest blockbuster movie. Stay tuned for a rivetting review of Men in Black II when I get out to see it.



~Because life's to short to interview a sheep~

-- The opinions expressed in this column are not necessarily the
opinions of wuut, or the message board that has brought wuut to you
for your enjoyment. Please send all love letters, hate mail and
lawsuit subpoenas to Keifer@sunflower.com --

A real life interview of SpaceShrimp

Interviewer: how long have you been playing utdemo?

SpaceShrimp: since I was a baby shrimp,that was before I knew how to
fly. I mostly swam around back then.... in a circle, .....the pond was

Interviewer: I didn't know shrimp could live in fresh water...

SpaceShrimp: well I'm a spaceshrimp from another planet, we are born in
fresh water.

Interviewer: oh. what planet is that?

SpaceShrimp: Planet Ramen,our main staple is ramen.

Interviewer: k. How long did it take you to learn to fly?

SpaceShrimp: there weren't any planets back then with low gravity so
not until my father took me on vacation to morpheus.

Interviewer: oh. where is your home planet located?

SpaceShrimp: I have no idea this is why I am still here... I'm lost

Interviewer: how sad... I can show you where Rupert is and we may find
your planet in our star maps.

SpaceShrimp: thank you but I have grown to like this galaxy and often
visit planet Rockemhard, planet Houston, and we even terra formed our
own planet called planet agt, there are plenty ramen restaurants to
keep me happy when I am not fighting

Interviewer: oh.. ok. what dose ramen taste like?

SpaceShrimp: ramen tastes good and reminds me of home. Can I say one
last thing?

Interviewer: sure.

SpaceShrimp: Tiger Balm very good for mosquito bite.

*SS was a very fun person, erm, Spaceshrimp to interview! Thanks for
letting my interview you while you wasted valuable time talking to me!*

* NEW section being added!!! Puma is writing some very exciting and useful articles for all your WuUTers out there. Puma, as some of you know, seems to have a good idea about what is going on out there in the technical world. So the management here at WUUT approached the wise sage and begged him to write some articles for you our readers. Thank you to Puma for contributing to the new TIFR TECH SECT.

TIFR TECH SECT :: Making your Windows 2000 box more secure
by Puma

After spending 15seconds on how to start an article, the author chose to start the article in way he writes an em@il to a girl - keep writing. Some way to start a technical article but hey i am not going to be paid . So let me punch these keys. The English will be largely colloquial with a rare typo / spelling error. Please bear with the cat. Now about the topic - this is for Windows 2000 Prof. Edn. and Windows NT 4.0 users although the screenshots will be of a workstation running Windows 2000 Professional.

{ The full article is best read in HTML format and is located here: . We are looking at improving the format of WUUT and hopefully can incorporate the TIFR TECH SECT more cleanly next time }

(back issues available for a small fee, very small, insignificantly small, so small you would barely even notice.)

Submissions for the WEEKLY UPDATE maybe sent somewhere@paddlethis.com.
*** Disclaimer, most, if not all of this is a complete fabrication of a very strange mind, and now, possibly even more.