Author: cgul(weeeeeeee)
Release date: unknown

This is the WEEKLY UPDATE vol. 14
(WUUT = Weekly Update for Unreal Tournament. A review of the top stories from the past week in the world of UT that really matter to you!)

* TOOOOOO Long! Well you are right! It has been too long since the last issue of the WUUT. It is good that we are still here to make sure that things aren't being kept from you. You will see that we came back just in time as there are strange things afoot at the REH corral. Read on!

* ZONE 57 is still off limits to those players who haven't passed the qualifying exams and no matter how much you ask, you won't be allowed in. Please don't bother the admins about zone 57.

* CONSPIRACY is rife around REH since the WUUT reporters have been away on holiday. Everyone by now has noticed the new forum. However, have you noticed how there has been a lot more editing of the forums and threads. Yes, one of our reporters has noticed that no less than two threads have been mysteriously been removed or changed by some power trying to control the message being sent out at the REH forum. Are you safe writing on the forum or is it being monitored by big brother. Are more threads going to be removed? This reporter is keeping a keen eye on what is going on and will keep you up to date and try to weed out the people that are responsible for this travesty. I don't want to name any names at this point, but, has anyone noticed how strange and volumous the posts of MFC Crusher, oh...he is gone....the conspiracy continues.

* L'OEUF IS IN THE AIRE :: okay eggs aren't really dominating the attitude of the players around the game. But love may be budding around the boards and maps. It seems that ...WHAT?...player whose name ....WHAT?....I don't really think I should .....WHAT?.... print here so I will use the blurtec(tm) machine to encode it: V*ltr&n [encrypted with blurtec (tm)] ... Well it seems that V*ltr&n [encrypted with blurtec (tm)] and On%M%anG%rl [encrypted with blurtec (tm)] are hitting it off and there is a secret romance bluming. So when this romance is no longer secret we will be the first to announce the names right here in big letters.

MOVIE Reviews

MINORITY REPORT :: There was a new movie out over the past while and here is what the WUUT staff thought of the movie. Don't worry there aren't too many spoilers in the article.

"Uh like, yeah dude, the preview contained like a trailer for some really trippin movies. Like dude some of them are like really dumb looking but some of them might be worth renting. Like all I could think about was the gargantuan popcorn and pop that I had sitting in front of me. There I was separated from the movie by a big bag of popcorn and the pop when some credits came on. So I thought the movie was over so I left. Like I was confused why no one else was leaving but I thought they were just watching the credits to see who the "Best Boy" was, so I ran out. Later my girlfriend told me that she enjoyed the movie but wondered why I left so early, like before the movie even started. So that wasn't any good. But she told me that the movie was good and Tom Cruise reminded her a bit of Semi. She also said that she wanted to get one of those neato cars so that when she plays UT she could have a significant advantage over that cgul freak...."

There you have it. An informative review of the latest blockbuster movie. Stay tuned for a rivetting review of Men in Black II when I get out to see it.


* Zaphod is still out on assignment trying to find the person he is trying to interview. We will let you know when he is back!

* EDITOR: well since no one signed up to be the editor, cgul will remain on as the editor so there.

* ABSOLUTELY NOTHING real happened this week. It was all phony and boring. I can't even make up anything exciting to put in the real section. I am sorry. I hope that something real happens next week.

(back issues available for a small fee, very small, insignificantly small, so small you would barely even notice.)

Submissions for the WEEKLY UPDATE maybe sent somewhere@paddlethis.com.
*** Disclaimer, most, if not all of this is a complete fabrication of a very strange mind, and now, possibly even more.