Author: cgul(weeeeeeee)
Release date: unknown

This is the WEEKLY UPDATE vol. 12
(WUUT = Weekly Update for Unreal Tournament. A review of the top stories from the past week in the world of UT that really matter to you!)

* TOOOOOO SHORT: Some people have been complaining that the WUUT has been getting a little to short for their liking. We have done some calculations and have found that the last issue of the WUUT was precisely the correct length to keep the attention of 87.5 % of the people that read it when the moon is in Jupiter. Since the planets have been aligned just in the right way we have decided to make this WUUT even shorter. Well maybe...

* WUUT Backup Editor Needed: The main editor of the wuut is going on vacation very soon and we need to find someone to help keep the story going while the editor is away. We need YOU now. Please contact cgul with your resume to take over the position.

* Will the NOOBEATER be FOUND GUILTY: The noob eater was in court this week on the serious charges of violating a no parking area right below tower #3. It seems that the noob eater (now a very public and exciting figure) has been parking his volkswagen camper van right in the no parking zone and to top it off he is living out of his van in direct violation of Rockhard's "Please Don't Camp on my servers" directive. These charges could ruin the Noobeater's newfound stardom. Some Vets are losing their feelings of adoration for the creature.

* OUT OF GOGGLES: It seems that the the Food Ammo N' Baby Store's appeal is huge. We can't seem to keep enough of the goggles in stock. People have been scooping up the FREE goggles and giving the store a visit. They find that the prices are amazing and the food is scrumptious, the ammo flys better than the stock "cheap" sub-standard ammo that rockhard provides. To top it all off the BABY supplies are incredible, drip proof, and odour absorbing!!! There have been nothing but compliments and rave reviews of the service.
Just this week Hypersipher has been made EMPLOYEE OF THE WEEK! He is the workhorse behind the success of the store. Missy and Dessloch are amazed at the effort and determination that Hyper has been putting in.
"We are amazed the effort and determination that hyper has been putting in. He is a natural!" stated Missy while serving up a juicy looking burger to Impact.
"I think I can truly retire from "bothood" now that the store is a huge success. We have made a tidy profit in the first week. We intend to roll those profits back into the server to improve and spruce up the place. We were thinking of some disco lights on the top of tower #1 and some other fun stuff!!" Dessloch cheered as he thought of the success of the store.

* ROCKHARD LOST A Marble: Yes, just as everyone has suspected Rockhard has lost a marble. If anyone finds the marble anywhere in the REH MRA server you will be granted access to zone 57 and all of the delights therein.

* On a completely unrelated note to the story above, there has been a noticible increase of power consumption in zone 57. Workers have been working around the clock to increase the powerflow to zone 57. The lines have been beefed up and a new generating station has been created to fufill the demand. Please don't ask any of the admins about what zone 57 is as they are not allowed to tell you. They have been instructed to deny any knowledge of its existence.


* OBITUARY: Ever wanted a remote control mouse? Apparently they have been doing some experiments on mice to be used in finding trapped people, mines, and other things that are hidden in dangerous environments. These mice are trained to respond to some sort of external electrical stimulous and then go in a certain direction. [funny sounds like how I feel when playing UT against catalyst] Here check out this URL for more fun information: http://news.com.com/2100-1040-897276.html?tag=fd_top

Oh this is fun as well: http://searchnetworking.techtarget.com/qna/0,289202,sid7_gci813166,00.html

That is all for this week. Sorry it has been so short again!

(back issues available for a small fee, very small, insignificantly small, so small you would barely even notice.)

Submissions for the WEEKLY UPDATE maybe sent somewhere.
*** Disclaimer, most, if not all of this is a complete fabrication of a very strange mind, and now, possibly even more.